Mist

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world’s most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

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Nothing Works…
Creation Date: 04-12-2012 04:29 PM
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Meditations…

This poem and others are available in my books, Nothing Works: Meditations on Aikido, Buddhism, the Tao, Zen, and other inconsequential things….and, Nothing Special, and Nothing Matters…, available thru Amazon.com, in print and Kindle editions and Barnes & Noble websites…..Also available as an e-book via Smashwords.com. Try this link: www.nothing-works.com for the full array of options.

Blog Info

Status: Public

Entries: 256

Comments: 66

Views: 230,034

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Intent

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world’s most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

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Nothing Works…
Creation Date: 04-12-2012 04:29 PM
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Meditations…

This poem and others are available in my books, Nothing Works: Meditations on Aikido, Buddhism, the Tao, Zen, and other inconsequential things….and, Nothing Special, and Nothing Matters…, available thru Amazon.com, in print and Kindle editions and Barnes & Noble websites…..Also available as an e-book via Smashwords.com. Try this link: www.nothing-works.com for the full array of options.

Blog Info

Status: Public

Entries: 255

Comments: 66

Views: 228,050

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Answers

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world’s most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced features available, you will need to register first. Registration is absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

Nothing Works…
Creation Date: 04-12-2012 04:29 PM
rss2
Meditations…

This poem and others are available in my books, Nothing Works: Meditations on Aikido, Buddhism, the Tao, Zen, and other inconsequential things….and, Nothing Special, and Nothing Matters…, available thru Amazon.com, in print and Kindle editions and Barnes & Noble websites…..Also available as an e-book via Smashwords.com. Try this link: www.nothing-works.com for the full array of options.

Blog Info

Status: Public

Entries: 254

Comments: 66

Views: 226,886

In General Answers
  #254 New Today 01:55 AM
Answers

I was born
To pain, doubt, fear,
Perhaps, with some relief
And, maybe some love
But, such are the conditions
Of all births, surely
I learned to navigate
The ups and downs, downs,
More downs, of life
I tried not to become too bitter
And was as successful as some
Perhaps, most…
I sought out answers
To this and that – and more this
I even sought out answers
To questions I didn’t even know I had
A much more difficult task
Let me assure you
Sometimes I catch glimpses
Fleeting glimpses of something
Something beyond the obvious, but
As Lord Buddha once said:
You’re fucked whatever you do!
At least, that’s what I think he said
But, then, he was always
Saying weird shit –
Weird to me, anyway
Be that as it may
While I still search
I don’t, in actuality, expect
To find any real answers

www.nothing-works.com

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

a bit graphic —

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Today in class I got triggered…I started to feel like I was going to throw up. I felt teary and shaky inside. We were doing an irimi nage and Ron asked us get inside nearer to uke that I like to. I like to take their balance earlier to avoid the intimacy that comes from a closer in throw.

When I was 24 a really big guy, about 6’6″ who must have weighed at least 350 pounds knelt on my shoulders and shoved his penis in my mouth and down my throat. I thought of him in class while the panic attack was starting. I felt my body disappear and the trapped feeling come back
.
In the past I have stayed on the mat when these feelings come up but today was different. I did not try to deny the feelings. I noticed them. I gently observed to myself, “Oh, you feel nauseous…are you going to cry?”

Next, I felt my feet on the blue mat. I noticed the other people in the dojo…There was Jocelyn. There was Anne. I see Ron.

I breathed deliberately in through my nose and out through my mouth several times. I kept moving. I attacked when it was my turn to be uke. I consciously asked questions through the panic that was hovering about a correction I received as nage. I felt my hakama with my hands; I felt the inside of my mouth with my tongue. And I could not feel my center.

Near the end of class Ron had us a do a centering exercise. I told him I could not find my center. He reminded of an exercise we do to explain centering to someone who has never met her center.
He told me to place my hands on the outside of my abdomen just below my belly button. Then he asked me if I could feel my hands on my abdomen. I could.

He said, “Go inside your body with your consciousness just between your hips under your where you can feel your hands. He asked, “Can you feel your center?” I could. I lost my center when I took my hands away but I found it again each time he reminded me how to do it again. It took three times before I was able to keep my center. I asked him for help all three times. He patiently reminded me how to do the exercise.

I am writing this because I have been training in aikido for 30 years. This simple centering exercise still helps me. A better way to say it is that it saves me. I don’t have wander about anymore in a panic.

Techniques help.
Trusted people help.

I can help myself with a little changed behavior like noticing how the mat feels to my feet on the floor. The panic attack subsided. I was able to stay in the now; accepting that, yes, a big man hurt me when I was 24 and I don’t have to hurt myself today.

Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

uke should…..

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

When the judgments pop up on the mat what can we do about them?

You know what I mean, sometimes in my head I hear “you (meaning me) suck”, or “uke (meaning you) should relax more or follow better” and so on….

None of the above is conducive to blending or correct feeling. So what I do is notice the thought, feel the feeling and keep training. My experience is that the process of noticing, feeling and continued training works very effectively. I am not wasting any time or energy denying or minimizing my negative self-talk. I am not building a case against uke by focusing on what I think is wrong with them.

Usually for me, those kind of thoughts are proceeded or followed by an uncomfortable feeling.

So I breathe in deeply, I exhale fully and wait my turn, then I do the next thing I am supposed to be doing, whether it is bokken movement, attacking my nage of throwing my uke. I pay very close attention to what I am supposed to be doing and before I know it my mind is clear again and my spirit flies free.

I can’t control what my mind thinks initially.

I can respond in a powerful way by being present with my thoughts and feelings, letting them pass and focusing on the task at hand.

Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Return Next Week

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire
AikiWeb Aikido Forums – Return Next Week
Welcome to AikiWeb Aikido Information
AikiWeb: The Source for Aikido Information
AikiWeb’s principal purpose is to serve the Internet community as a repository and dissemination point for aikido information.

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world’s most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced features available, you will need to register first. Registration is absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

fatebass21’s Blog
Creation Date: 02-07-2005 09:09 AM
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Blog Info

Status: Public

Entries: 32

Comments: 9

Views: 67,621

In Training Return Next Week
  #32 New Today 08:51 AM
After several weeks of preparation I am ready to return to the dojo next week to resume my training. Basically starting from square one after many years away. One of the biggest regrets in my life but feeling excited and anxious to make Aikido part of my life again.

My right hamstring is still aggravated and I cannot tell whether it is injury or nerve related. Must be injury as the pain is localized ether at it’s origin at the inferior hip or at it’s insertion behind the knee. Never pain in both places as it switches off. I have been doing daily aiki tai so, qi gong (thanks for the recommendation Lynn), and stretching post warm up. Some range of motion has returned but the pain itself is still there.

Ran the Surf City 1/2 Marathon yesterday and did decent in spite of no training per se. This was not part of my prep training and was something I had scheduled several months out. Was able to do warm up this morning so, hey, I guess I still got some push and drive going. Funny how those wonderful endorphins from even light exercise make you feel great even if you are extremely sore and limping around the day after a race.

Plan is to take a few recovery days this week and then return for perhaps 2 days per week so as not to over do it like last time which caused a groin pull from lack of rest. Wish I wasn’t so injury prone but that is not the case. Hopefully my preparation and then consistent study will reduce that likelihood.

Until next time.

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Silence & Stillness

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world’s most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

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Nothing Works…
Creation Date: 04-12-2012 04:29 PM
rss2
Meditations…

This poem and others are available in my books, Nothing Works: Meditations on Aikido, Buddhism, the Tao, Zen, and other inconsequential things….and, Nothing Special, and Nothing Matters…, available thru Amazon.com, in print and Kindle editions and Barnes & Noble websites…..Also available as an e-book via Smashwords.com. Try this link: www.nothing-works.com for the full array of options.

Blog Info

Status: Public

Entries: 253

Comments: 66

Views: 224,315

In General Silence & Stillness
  #253 New Today 01:53 AM
Silence & Stillness

Only in silence and stillness
Can you truly know yourself
From this source of knowledge
And deep, deep strength
You can go forth
And swim in the sea of suffering
That is called the world
And actualize the path to end it

www.nothing-works.com

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Who am I?

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world’s most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced features available, you will need to register first. Registration is absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

Nothing Works…
Creation Date: 04-12-2012 04:29 PM
rss2
Meditations…

This poem and others are available in my books, Nothing Works: Meditations on Aikido, Buddhism, the Tao, Zen, and other inconsequential things….and, Nothing Special, and Nothing Matters…, available thru Amazon.com, in print and Kindle editions and Barnes & Noble websites…..Also available as an e-book via Smashwords.com. Try this link: www.nothing-works.com for the full array of options.

Blog Info

Status: Public

Entries: 252

Comments: 66

Views: 222,992

In General Who am I?
  #252 New Today 07:03 PM
Who am I?

Tell me, who are you?
The Buddha is queried
I am he who woke up.
Was the response
So goes the ancient story
So simple, so profound
So, when I sit, once settled
I start off my session
With that very question:
Who am I?
I let it reverberate
Bounce around inside my head
I watch it slip over the edge
And come back up
Again and again
Who am I?
Who am I?

I am still waiting for an answer

www.nothing-works.com

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Preparation and Progress

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire
AikiWeb Aikido Forums – Preparation and Progress
Welcome to AikiWeb Aikido Information
AikiWeb: The Source for Aikido Information
AikiWeb’s principal purpose is to serve the Internet community as a repository and dissemination point for aikido information.

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world’s most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

If you wish to join in the discussions or use the other advanced features available, you will need to register first. Registration is absolutely free and takes only a few minutes to complete so sign up today!

fatebass21’s Blog
Creation Date: 02-07-2005 09:09 AM
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Blog Info

Status: Public

Entries: 31

Comments: 9

Views: 66,321

In Training Preparation and Progress
  #31 New Today 09:31 AM
I have been continuing my daily Aiki taiso, stretching, and (recently included) Qi Gong morning sessions at home in preparation for a return to training in February. Going from a completely sedentary 10 months (no excuses for this so I resist the urge to make them here) to an immediate return to training would only cause reinjury to either my groin, hamstring, or right knee…so any and all prep work I can lay down now will only enhance my training now. Additionally, I am about 15-20 lbs heavier than before. Gotta get the weight down.

As far as range of motion and lower back discomfort in addition to the snapping hip everything feels a bit stronger from doing consistent Aiki taiso. I may even consider pushing the return to the dojo back in additional two weeks to continue preparing.

Started a new job two weeks ago corporate job sitting at a desk all day but they’re very progressive and they encourage the 2020 20 rule getting up and stretching every 20 minutes and walking every 20 minutes . So I do a lot of stretching at work and whatever else I can in my office without looking like a complete crazy person.

Progress is good on words and upwards will touch base again here in the next two weeks

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Dojo Tiger

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire

Hello and thank you for visiting AikiWeb, the world’s most active online Aikido community! This site is home to over 22,000 aikido practitioners from around the world and covers a wide range of aikido topics including techniques, philosophy, history, humor, beginner issues, the marketplace, and more.

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Nothing Works…
Creation Date: 04-12-2012 04:29 PM
rss2
Meditations…

This poem and others are available in my books, Nothing Works: Meditations on Aikido, Buddhism, the Tao, Zen, and other inconsequential things….and, Nothing Special, and Nothing Matters…, available thru Amazon.com, in print and Kindle editions and Barnes & Noble websites…..Also available as an e-book via Smashwords.com. Try this link: www.nothing-works.com for the full array of options.

Blog Info

Status: Public

Entries: 251

Comments: 66

Views: 220,902

In General Dojo Tiger
  #251 New Today 01:20 AM
Dojo Tiger

He had mastered kata
And thought himself invincible
A real dojo tiger
But he had not thought beyond
Beyond mere form, mere kata
At the place where victory
Wasn’t assured, wasn’t preordained
A warscape where blood,
Pain, and death lived

The awakening was shocking
Was brutal – but his opponent
Called blood, pain, and death, home
To be treated with the fear and respect
They deserve and demand
And be paid a regular tithe
So, planning for victory
Also meant planning for defeat
The opening was where it always was
In the space between the forms –
The gaps – where true victory lies

www.nothing-works.com

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Matthew Dykeman Hampton Falls New Hampshire